LEFT BEHIND
by Adeosun Olamide
Summary: HE FINALLY TALKS.


Where does the devil lives? Not in hell, he is no wanderer, he does not stay in the ocean or in the mountains, nor in forest or seas, he stays not in books and he also does not stay far in heavens, so where does he abode? Here is the question I have answer to, the devil stays here, he dwell deep in us, he controls us and we are driven by him sometimes consciously sometimes unconsciously.  
Many a time I fell, all the times no one pull me up, you were there, I saw you, you just kept looking, you kept laughing and then you pass by, you just walk away, you spit. Several times I have slept, today I sleep no more, at last I am delivered of those evil dreams, those scary nightmares, at last I will be free, I will be free from the harshness in the world, I will be free of the wickedness of the world, I will be free.  
How time flies, how it vanishes into memories, yet it impact will always be, it marks will always remain. It's been my life, an ignored forgotten life, a boy no one takes into account, only today left in this miserable world. I wished I made my choices, I never desired to be without parent, to be without toys, to be homeless, I never wanted the kind of life I got but I got it anyways probably there were things I didn't do right, probably there are mistakes, probably there were misdeeds but never will I regret my actions, never.  
The beginning of a tale, my story, the account of a vagrant child, a hopeless, homeless boy that turn killer, this is my precious story, do well to tell it to someone, do well to share it. I may command the usage of language of the English people not too properly; I hope you tend my little mistakes.  
Among the fears instilled in me are memories, nostalgia that refuse to go, they fuel who I became, they recreated me, it defined my person.  
I run with the clouds, I chase clouds, I try seeing where the world ends, I see the sun set, the sun rise, I felt the ill winds, it blew me away, it blew tiny stones in my eyes, the rain fell on me, it beat me so hard that I cry, that I wept. Hunger spoke to me, we were friends, frequently I got sick, I got tired, and I got weary that sorrows drew to my face.  
No one to hold my head up high, no one to greet me with a smile in the morning, no one to make me feel I am anything not even anyone but anything, no one to feed me, to tell me the meaning of school, to tell me a story, to clasp me in arms and make me feel warm. I was not alone, not only me felt this, we were more than a few, sometimes we lost ourselves.  
[Change of diction]  
In harsh rain, cats and dogs rain I shiver, I cold, I cough, I sneeze, 'dot, dot' on my bodies, never I die, never I well, always struggle, everyday struggle, they chase, they pursue us, they drive me and boy and girl, they drive all out of road, out of under bridge, they chase us as if we are mad, even if we mad, they shouldn't chase us that way, they pursue as if we wear rag, even if we were rags, they suppose wash us and I am not rag, I am not wearing rag, I rather in suit, though the suit torn, though it tear, though the black wash away but it kept me warm and I happy.  
I very happy in the morning when I see people in suit, I look mine and laugh for myself.  
As a kid, no one keep me warm, no one cuddle me, no one sing me poem, no one said happy birthday, no one called my name, a name I didn't have, I didn't get. No one loved me, even the government people send us out from under the bridge, we search and search garbage can, we go refuse dump, we go party, party they didn't invite us, one party I went to, the party fine, boys wore wrist watches, they wear big shoe and small suit, their hair black, their suit shine, their canvas on light, it sing, the light blink, on that day I have worked, I wash plenty plates, I have walk and walk and I tired, I weary, I sweat, so I go to rest somewhere, as I go, small, small children see me, they shout, I laugh, they laugh, I want to touch them, they run, they speak and I not hear, it pain me when they jest at me and I cry and cry before one big masquerade come and chase me, he chase me like dog, I run out, I run and run and I say I want to die, I say I am tired, I say I do not want to live no more, I call God, I call and call and call but He will not answer, I ask Him why he let my mama die, why he take my father, why he let them rape my sister and take her away, why he created me, I ask and I kept asking but God did not hear, I shout and shout but He did not hear. We go to wedding to, we go with nylon and we pack food full our pocket and the nylon, wasted food, leftover food we packed. one day I pack food and thief come and steal it, I cry, I cry, I weep, it pain me very well, it touch my heart and I feel like to die.  
I sleep and pray someone comes to take me away, on Sunday I go church but they say I cannot come in, they say I am dirty, they say I will stain church, they say I will scare kids, they say I am dirt, they say church is not for me, why? They throw money to me, they throw me fifty naira, I throw it back, I say take your money, I did not beg for your money, I say I beg for love from God, and I come to see God, I say I only beg to be loved, or God take my life, I say I am not angry and I will not be angry but God anger, He anger towards me that he sent rain to beat me, mosquito to bite me and I shiver, my body shake, my heart quiver, I am cold yet my body hot, my urine yellow, my eyes yellow, my skin peel and rash and my head scratch, it scratch me, it scratch me and it is white.  
[Change of diction]  
In still night, I walk the street, that night I remember a bottle I kicked as I mumble to myself, as I say to myself I say I will make it, I said I will buy house, big house, I would build mansion, I will marry, I would build a church, a church not only for the rich but the poor as well, I say to myself I will take all the kids off the street, I will buy them clothes, I will buy them books, I will be their father and my wife will be their mother, they will grow and I will teach them to make sure they live for the homeless and one day the kids on the street will be no more. As I kick the bottle the last time, it bang into a man, the man has plenty hair like a woman's but his is dirty and unkempt, rough and stinky, as the bottle hit him I did not say a word, I did not say sorry, I kept mumbling my trance and fantasy, I went his direction to pick the bottle as I was about forging aback, he pulled me, he smiled to me, he did not laugh, he beamed. Who can say the next time I will receive a smile? I can't remember the last time someone smiled to me, I never before in my life seen such radiance yet he stinks, the brouhaha from his confine is deadly and as I walked away holding my breath, he pulled me back, I never been so scared before, so frightened, he held on to me and he didn't speak a word, he looked into my eyes, his was reddish, he looked into my soul as my soul wandered from away back in my body. To where he got me, he reached and brought from his stinky confines a dirty canvass, just one foot, at that moment his ugliness disappeared, the odour oozing out became a scent and I felt close, a string was created at that moment and I replied gesture, those memories of seeing it on kids came and into my leg I worn.  
From within I perceived the obvious, but I felt at that moment he might just be my shelter, my savior, my god and to him I remained, close to him I cannot feel pain, close to him I felt no pain, close to him my nightmares were gone, close to him I started losing my memory, memories of my hurting past, memories of when I slept alone, lonely, a child I am, a poor child.  
Though he smelt too bad, his clothes or rather rag so dirty and tattered unusually of rags, cigarette packs in his luggage, a luggage of can, stone and dirty clothes, sometimes I die because of the horrible smell that oozed from his mouth when he talks, he seldom talks and smiles very often.  
[Change of diction]  
I did not die, when he hold me, I do not scare or fear, people pass, they laugh, they say "onisiga" that name they gave him, they say is that your child, he laugh, he say yes, he show me biscuit, he show me sweet, he say take and as I about to take, he keep it, he play with me and me laugh "hahahahahahah" he became a special friend and I love dearly, very dearly. No one made me laugh; only he did, as we played together I got use to his odour, at night he comes, he off my clothes, he play with my penis, it sweet me, it sweet me very well, he will taste my bottom, he will lick my ties and it sweet me, I will say leave me and he will not leave me, he will off his clothes, hair is plenty in his own, hair cover his penis, that long penis he will use to touch, he will put it in my anus, this one pain me, because his penis big but time change.  
On this day rain fall, it did not stop, it fall and fall, I did not bother to pray to God, God never answer me before, so I call to devil, he did not hear me, the rain fell, he catch cold, he tremble, he shake but me shiver with fear, I shudder for fear, I love him, he love me and then he sleep, he never wake up again, he never woke up again. I beat him, I blow him but he did not wake up, I run, I look for cigarette I put fire, I forced it into his mouth but nothing happen, his body cold, his body hard, I stay two days waking him, people pass, they shake head and cover nose and go. He did not wake up, I cried.  
God! God! God! God why you kill him? Why you take him away? Is it because he makes me happy? God why? But God did not answer, on the third day I hunger and I go to look for food before I come back they steal his body, they say they wear white, they say their motor sing, It pain me and I did not eat.  
[Change of diction]  
As I sat the sun unusually shone, its brightness drew my strength, it brightened my darkness, the hot sun hit me with such heat I never experienced and I did not sweat. I watched the sun set, I saw the moon color the sky, the star blinked and I watched my heart blinked with the stars, it gloomed with moon, it confined me and all I did was sit and look. I saw a plane moving and it filled my heart with promises, I smiled, I laughed and I slept.  
That light night, brightened by the glowing moon I dreamt, in my dream I had cars, houses, I had pool of water, I had good things, trees that whispers, on the tree are honey bees, birds were on the tree, they sang, I didn't see any mosquito in the dream but the oozing weep or is it laughter of mosquitoes woke me, not long I slept again the dream continued, this time I had the moon at my back yard, the sun in my compound, I was a king and I was served, on the table was variety of fruits, in the big kitchen smoke escapes through the chimney, in the bathroom, I slept comfortably in the tube, I woke up at the climax I was about to eat when I woke up. This time the mosquitoes did more than before they bit me this time. I closed my eyes, opened it, I tried to sleep but I slept no more.  
[Change of diction]  
I see car, fine car, it park, the door opened and someone got down, he walks towards me, I panic, I fear but I lay calm, pretending to be asleep. He came, when he got few steps away from me, I stood up, he gripped me, I refused, I struggled to free myself but I wasn't strong enough but my scream was, as I shouted he calmed down, I have come to help you, do you not want to go school? Do you not want to sleep on bed? He asked me; he drew out shining notes from his pocket, he handed them over to me, come with me and get more he said to me; I happy that moment, I very happy, God hear my prayer, He heed my request, He grant my desire, as I follow him at my will I laugh, when I got to car, I saw two other kids, may be they were sleeping was the thought that came to me, the thought that they might be dead skipped me, as I drew nigh all I remember was something blown into my nose. I woke up, I saw pot, I saw a skull, I saw cowries, I saw horn, I saw blood, I saw them, they were in red, they tied their head with red gear, they all held a pestle each, what they pound was obscure and unknown to me, the mortar was very big and they recited in a dialect I never heard before. My mouth covered, my hands tied, I couldn't shout, even if I did who will hear my cry?  
He pulled and pushed me, he forced me to kneel, a man with knife approached me, he looked with such thirst, such hunger, such anger I never seen before, he looked into my eyes, then nodded and shaked his head in disagreement, he was furious, vexed, something was not right, could it be me? He strolled breathing so fast and hard, he signed then he spoke in turn, take him away, far away, he is unfortunate, he will only cause misfortune to befall us all, he is the son of the gods, the bastard son of "Orisa" take him now, far away the man screamed; again I saw them blow something like powder unto me before I passed on.  
I woke up, beside the road, cars sped off, drivers speeding by, I caught no attention, I was scared, frightened, and afraid, and I was alone in the middle of nowhere, only trees, and birds humming, the wind whirling through the bush. I was naked, but I have lived most of my life with no clothes on, this made low difference to me, the weather turned colder and I was beginning to shiver, cars sped off, no one cared about the little boy there, no one did, not even you. As I watched, time passed, I waited for a sign, and I waited for him, for the one who will pick me up. In the darkness of my heart, I thought about light, I thought a touch reaching out to me touching me but they remained imaginations. No road to follow, I sat, stood, no one stopped in hours.  
Then he came, the finisher of my story, the calmer of my storms, I remember vividly I had thought he heard me scream viciously when he stopped his car, he got down but he only tread the opposite of my position, he went to urinate I guess. I ran as fast as my foot could go, I shouted from deep down my strength, he heard me, I knew he did, he went, he left me, I cried, I lost him.  
As I returned, he reappeared behind me, hey you come here he shouted; I was so happy, so happy, I ran to him, he looked me with so much disdain, but I disregarded it, my point was to get out of nowhere into somewhere.  
That is the first time I entered a car without been kidnapped, inside the car, the weather was harsher, it was much cold there in and I quivered, the car smelt so well, he didn't say a word to me. He did not speak to me, he kept driving, driving and driving as he drove he puff cigarette and occasionally I coughed. He looked at me, and then looks away, he kept driving.  
A picture on the wall, a computer, a fridge, a toilet, two rooms, he bath me, it rained in his bathroom, as I bath, my pain washed away, tears, dirtiness away but never will it wash my memories away.  
He gave me clothes, he gave me laughter but I still cry. He cries sometimes to, I really do think he is sick. What name do you bear? He asked me; I got no name, God knows my name, I looked at him, I went further, some call me silly, some call me poor boy, he looked at me, he said I will call you cigarette because I love cigarette. I laughed, we laughed loud.  
The bright light in the house, the delicious food, his seldom happy mood, his friends, his sometimes silent moment, all good to see, all good to eat, all good to feel. They are extra good, extra nice to a street urchin, a street kid like me, he feeds me and I got no reasonable reason when tempted. I miss the moon light, the stars, the rains, I miss them all, I miss them now that I am caged in a world, a world I know nothing of, though it bring smiles, it saddens my heart. I must stay indoor whenever he got guest, I must hold books I cannot read, I grow and I grew, he works both in night and day, the night became longer and I became lonely, I felt abandoned on the soft bed I didn't make.  
[Change of diction]  
Night he goes with his friends, they cover their face, with a gun in their hands, a black gun, they go, they come, they happy, they drink, they sleep, they wake, they play, they sex, no one plays with me and I cry, no one talks to me and I weep, I lonely, I ask, I eat, they laugh but I never happy. I want to go with them, I want to go everywhere with them, they laugh, they look me, they say to me you are young, you are too young the lady mid them emphasized; the lady big, she puff cigarette, she look me, she give me, I collect, I puff, I smoke, I did not cough on that day I started smoking. No one compete me in smoking, I smoke in sleep, I smoke everywhere, I smoke and smoke and I tell them I big enough to work with them, I tell them a bullet from a boy does the same as a bullet from a man, they laugh, they love me and one day let me work. We enter car, no one talk, no one laugh, in the car, they take marijuana. We got to work, happy me as we go inside; they lie down, father, mother and child. The father was the one who kidnapped me, his child cried, his little girl, she fine, I pity her, we take gold, money, they give me gun, they say to me kill him! Pull it! They laugh at me, they jest, I understood it all, as I see the man, and anger came upon me, unto me, as I see his daughter the anger goes. I pulled the trigger, in a pool of blood we left him. His daughter screamed, his wife shouted, I cried silently as I watched them, I didn't belief what I just did, shut up! The lady mid us screamed at the pair. As we journeyed back home, the flash, the moment kept coming, I fired the trigger. I killed the man. They clapped, they merry, they tell me to be proud of my deeds, I just turned the woman into a widow, although I heard the girls cry in consequent days, it soon while away, it soon fritter away as I didn't want to be seen as weak.  
On and on, we robbed house, we raid banks, we robbed the rich, I killed more and more, I killed so many maybe they would have been alive if they had picked me back in the years, if they had picked that little hungry anger filled boy with no coat in the cold, with no food, with no place to lay head, may be they would have been alive.  
How quickly I begin to fade, I got clothes, I got suits, and wristwatches, shoes, and my dreams came to pass gently.  
That bank was our last, it was my bank, as we got in they all fell down, we got the money but before we could be off men in black gave a hot pursuit, they shot at us, they shot all of them, they fell, they die.  
Only I survive, the family I belonged killed. I fear. I couldn't run, they pick me, they jail me, I go court and court said death, court say you die because you killed, court say shot him.  
I laugh, I speak, I say how many kids been killed by them? Been killed due to their negligence, due to their neglect? How many future been ruined? The court look, the court refuses to answer. They brought me here.  
I wrote this for you, to you, so that you will understand it is in your hand to turn the world around, to eradicate crime, I wrote this to you so that the little child you neglected yesterday, the little girl you consider out of your business may not kill you. You must tend to them, you must see to them, you do not have to search them out; they are everywhere, sexually abused, maimed or even killed for silly selfish purpose.  
Tomorrow I die a rich man, share my story today and maybe no one would have to die this way or that way.


End file.
